An Anniversary

Nine years ago today I parked my car off Woodland Avenue and walked up the street to Ramsey's to meet Josh for the first time.  He sat on the bench just outside the door.  Butterflies struck me even though we had been talking first by email and then by phone for the previous two weeks.

We were seated at the top of the stairs to the left.  We had a nice, though nervous, lunch.  I noticed that he still tilted his head to the side; my memory of first seeing him when he was in 6th grade and I was in 8th grade coming back to me and that little boy lost in a sea of people heading to the gym to wait for the bus.  But he stood out.  Maybe he was supposed to on that day.

We tried to browse the shops in the triangle but since it was Sunday most were closed.  We then moved to CD Central and learned more about each other's music tastes, which were quite different, but found common ground on liking to find new bands.  I was on the rock side, he was on the alt country side, so we got to introduce each other to bands we each never would have found on our own.

We then moved to the arboretum and spent the remainder of our day there, walking around and finally ending up on a bench by the koi pond.  We talked and talked and talked.  We kept talking about music and the concerts we went to which was my main activity at that time.  You could find me in a music club most every weekend, but never the same music club he was in.  We talked about our families, friends, things we liked to do, and also religion.  He actually agreed with me on religion.  I knew this guy was special.  Late in the day he kissed me and that was my last first kiss.  May 16, 2004 my life changed and brought me everything I had been yearning for for so, so long.  He is perfect for me.

Times Have Changed

I have just realized that the name of my blog sounds completely different today than it did in September 2004 when I started it.  Anything with "shades of" in the title will now be thought of in the 50 Shades of Grey fold and I just happened to order my wording exactly the same back then.  I am sorry to report that this blog has nothing to do with that book though I have read it. 

It is possible that I may share some of my fiction writing here since that is where my head is right now but it has never crossed into an erotica realm, at least not yet; who knows where my stories will take me.  My current fiction writing relies heavily on my past and I'm trying to find the balance of truth and fiction.  My life in my 20s was very exciting to me, but I doubt a true memoir would hold the attention of anyone outside my friends.  So, I'm trying to blend the two. Write what you know.

A Hopeful Return

I am nearing 40 and I finally feel like I'm an adult.  It has been nearly 6 years since I've posted here.  Then I was a mere young adult in my early 30's, on the precipice of getting pregnant and making that journey into a more adult state.  My daughter will be 5 soon.  We have already registered her for kindergarten.  Preschool graduation is in a matter of weeks.  She is beyond excited by it all.  She is smart, kind, loving, and quite the smart ass, as she should be given her parents, maternal grandparents, and paternal great-grandfather.  I think she has an artist's soul, which could be troubling in the years ahead.  She loves to draw, paint, sing, dance, and play any instrument she can get her hands on.  She wants to be a mommy, pediatrician, songwriter, artist, and ballet teacher.  It makes my heart overflow.  She is perfect for us.

I have been in my job for 13 years. I am now in a management position and it is rewarding.  I have fulfilled my promise of what I would become when I got my degree 15 years ago.  But I still don't feel fully an adult with responsibility and power sometimes.  I know I have more than I think I do, but at times I feel like I don't have any at all.

I believe this feeling of full adulthood is entirely to do with my involvement in my church.  This past Sunday I led our choir.  It has been 20 years since I directed a group of musicians, my high school pep band.  It felt like I was stepping into a comfortable pair of shoes that I forgot I had.  I had come full-circle to those days my freshman year when I started singing in choir.  I enjoyed it.  I have gladly taken on adult roles in church as well, starting with the committee to find a new pastor and then the big step to be on the session.  Being on that committee and being an elder has helped me grow over the last two years.  I feel like I'm looked at differently by those that have known me since I was a teenager.  I feel that I have a special bond with the same people that were teenagers with me at that time that I now see at church, committee meetings, and session.  It is a family.

I'm not sure what direction I'm going to take this blog in but I am moved to write more and this is the best way to do that.